I do not remember a day when my fiancé and I went by without arguing to convince each other that I am right and you are wrong. We argue on different things like education, work, family, food, friends, and small thing like when to go to bed at night and why? Sometimes arguments make sense if they are logical but sometimes it is just a matter of understanding between two people who share different views on certain topics. I agree that arguments can usually waste time and most of the time it brings unnecessary tension between two people, which can lead to a bigger problem later on. I think in our relationship we both think sensibly person and understand when it is time to quit before we can get into a serious problem. That, I believe, is one of the most important aspects of our relationship. Sometimes I just do it for fun to tease him and then kiss his angry face and try to make him smile.
In every relationship one should be smart to stick around its limits and understanding when to stop the argument and not make the environment uncomfortable. Argument should be dropped when you know things are getting to the point where it is important to let it go for better without creating any tension. Every relationship has some tough times and problems with in-laws, finance and even your partner. According to Philip Van Munching, a marriage counselor, it depends on people involved in relationship on how to solve their issues and make it work to gain healthy relationship. For many couples who cannot solve their issues, he suggests help from relationship professionals and counselors. Of course, a counselor cannot guarantee a healthy relationship unless you do something yourself but at least they can guide you in the right direction. On the other hand, some people are capable of solving their issues without getting any counseling or help from other people.
The problem usually takes place over small things and turn into an argument which often leads to a fight. The best way is to not argue when you are really angry because chances are you will not be getting any attention. And that can build up tension in relationship and harder to solve the issue later on. Dr. Munchung says, “talk in lower voice and stay calm… don’t criticize and be straight forward”. I totally agree with him that you should explain your reason politely and help each other to solve the problem without getting into a fight.
A full interview of Dr. Philip Van Munching could be accessed at the link below that deals with relationship problems and helps us in understanding how to deal with these issues. He answered some of the question couple usually ask themselves over and over while going through hard time in relationship.
Watch the videos and try to work on your relationship issues. And don't forget to comment!!
http://www.videojug.com/interview/arguing-in-a-relationship
http://www.videojug.com/interview/big-relationship-questions
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4 comments:
I just did some anger managmement and communication classes the other day, and we talked about situations like this. A lot of time, the people who are arguing are not breathing correctly or not even at all. What helps me is to just step back from the fight, take a few deep breaths, or just completly walk away for a few minutes.
Many people in relationships do not know how to cope with their anger and stress. I used to be one of them but now I know how to calm myself down. I think this is a really important aspect in ones life. It could really help them out if they knew how to cope with their anger.
Anyways, keep posting! Can't wait to read more!
I think you are on the cusp of some great pieces here on the psychology of relationships. I wonder, though, why you don't pull in a quote from Van Munching right in your blog? You direct us away like a movie does a sequel "see the next part over here..." but we want to see it right with your post.
Are the suggestions here that appear before you mention Van Munching from his work, or are they just suggestions you have gathered through experience?
Finally, I think in some places you might be missing some words or parts of words for full meaning. For example, you say "Sometimes arguments make sense if they are logic[al]." See my suggeted addition here...
I can't think of anyone who hasn't gotten into an argument with someone. A lot of times is with the person you care about the most.
Why is that we are so quick to snap or prove our point to those who matter the most? When it comes to a complete stranger, we can easily brush it off.
I understand the whole thing because they're suppose to be our better half, so that's what they're there for. To support us through anything. But why? Maybe that's something you can look into.
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