The Road That Has No End!

Wow, I can’t believe time flew by like a wind while we all were busy blogging twice a week and post comments on other peoples’ posts. It has been really fun class for me and the most of all great learning experience so far. It is very interesting that in eight week of period we have learned so many different topics in one class related to culture, relationships, superstition, environmental issues, talking about cars, politics, safety, fashion and much more. I learned so much from this class academically as well from other bloggers topics and ideas.

This class has been a wonderful life time experience that someone like me can have especially when I am ready to leave behind my classmates, friends, family,and most important person in my life and move on with my studies at VCU starting January 2009. I am also thankful of Professor Julie Peluso for showing me the unique way of writing and helping me with my final piece. I believe writing blog can help me a lot while I am at VCU sitting alone in my room and thinking about my family. I am planning to keep blogging and try to make my hobby as I have suggested in my final paper. I hope to keep talking on relationship but this time it will be more about long distance relationship and been away from family and friends.

I hope that everyone in class will be keep posting in order to stay in touch with each other. I would like to thank everyone who visited Washington Blog and shared their comments and ideas. I hope everyone has great holidays and new year. May be this is a time for those who are in relationship to do something nice for their loved ones and show them how much they love each other and the fact that ups and downs are part of human life. and relationship. And no to forget that relationship without fights, arguments and nagging is not a relationship. Love your partner and never hesitate to talk about your conflicts and always keep the door of communication open.
Best wishes for the holiday and new years!

Tips How to maintain a happy, loving Relationship despite of Long Distance (Part II)

According to The Center for Study of Long Distance Relationships, their estimates show that that last year there were about 3.5 million couples in United States who lived apart from each other for reasons other than marital disagreements. That number [approximately 3.5 million] is 29% of all marriages in United States according this same research. When compared to another study done 8 years ago, there are approximately 839,000 more people in a long-distance marriage than in 2005 (Guldner). There was a 30% relative increase in the rate of long-distance marriages between 2000 and 2008 [2.36% of marriages in 2000 and 2.9% of marriages in 2005] (Guldner). Newlyweds, according to the research, have an even greater chance of being long-distance early in their marriage with one study of 600 couples showing 1 in 10 were long-distance during some portion of their first 3 years (Guldner).

As I have mentioned above, long distance relationships are becoming more common. Since 2000 there have been 839,000 long distance marriages in United States. There was a 23% relative increase in the rate of long-distance marriages between 2000 and 2008 [2.36% of marriages in 2000 and 2.9% of marriages in 2008] (FAQ). Greater exposure to far away singles accounts for part of this trend. “People travel for their work, they commute farther, they generally travel more than we did just a few decades ago. All of these things make it more likely that they will fall for someone who does not live nearby,” says Dr. Gregory Guldner, a researcher at The Center for Study of Long Distance Relationships [LDRs] (Guldner).

Without a doubt, keeping a healthy long distance relationship is hard; but not impossible. The researchers offer some tips for people engaged in this sort of relationship. If followed religiously, these tips will help ensure a good relationship and keep it growing without any further stress. It may alleviate the mental and emotional stress associated with distances and help the relationship stay honest and strong.

Stay optimistic: Couples in long relationship need to stay optimistic and always with positive attitude in order to keep relationship strong and happy. This is true for every kind of relationship, whether it is long distance or not, and I can certainly relate it to my personal experiences with my fiancé.

Re-Learn How to be Intimate: The Center for Study of LDRs shows that couples usually spend most of their time talking on phone and sharing their daily life. Study shows that what matter the most is what you say and how they say matters most than how much they communicate. For example, share day to day life, use technology to communicate, write a hand written letter or a card, understands the consequence of talking on the phone, and use reminder of your partner frequently (FAQ).

Some things must be said: Some couples in LDRs don’t like to discuss certain times because of time limit. With limited time they do not bring up some issue that could disturb one’s attitude or weekend. This leads to postponed the important topic and build up frustration (FAQ). To avoid that it is important to take time and talk about those issues.

Do not isolate yourself! Research has found people in LDRs tend to cut off themselves from others. They use work as distraction from the loneliness. They feel awkward in public when they are out. It can make person alone and contributes to stressful life. Those LDRs should take interest in work instead of distraction from loneliness and try to spend time with friend and family while other partner is away (FAQ).

Expect Disappointment: Couples in LDRs should always be ready to expect the ups and downs of time together. Whether it was a weekend together didn’t turn out to be good or a just an argument between them. It is always a part of every relationship to go under some good and bad times while in relationship. Stay positive and expect the consequences as well (FAQ).

I have also discovered some advantages of having a long distance relationship. Free time for both individuals is at top of the list of advantages. Most LDRs allow each other to have more free time to focus on areas of our lives that interest us. The free time can be either a blessing or a curse, and only you can decide which it will become. Use the free time to develop and grow as a person. Think about taking a class, or working on a hobby, or spending more time with friends and family (Couples). Actively work on using the time to your advantage. You’ll find that the more you do, the more positively you’ll view the separation, which is very important to a successful LDR.

Most couples in LDRs describe an enjoyable honeymoon during the first few hours to days of a reunion. This time together allows for a mutual rediscovery of each other and of the relationship. For many people the emotional excitement of seeing their partner begins even before they actually get together. Just planning and preparing for reunion can bring out the exhilaration. Try to enjoy the experience and recognize it as another gift that only your relationship can afford (Couples).

Research shows that couples in LDRs enjoy more exciting outdoor activities than couples who live closer to one another. You should take advantage of the times when you do get together to plan some novel adventures–rollerblading, skydiving, camping–whatever the two of you might enjoy (Couples). This extra benefit of being in an LDR will help offset the occasional disadvantages.

Self-esteem flourishes in an environment that requires self-reliance, but also provides a secure relationship to fall back on when times get tough. For many people the LDR provides the perfect blend of independence and support to nourish self-esteem and personal growth (Couples).

In closing, I have found long distance relationships very interesting. For those who do not seem to control their temper very well, a long distance relationship may just be the kind of relationship they need. It provides free time and an ability to rediscover your other half by communication.

References:

Guldner, Gregory. The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships.
9 December 2008. http://www.longdistancerelationships.net/index.html

Guldner, Gregory. LDRs: Frequestly Asked Questions. 9 December 2008.
http://www.longdistancerelationships.net/faqs.html

Guldner, Gregory. Long Distance Relationshipo for Couples. 9 December 2008.
http://www.longdistancerelationships.net/couplesp.html

Long Distance Relationships Part I

Are you in LDRs Situation?


There are an estimated 7 million long-distance couples in the U.S., including 2.5 to 3 million long-distance marriages. Between 1999 and 2002 (the most recent data available) the number of long-distance marriages increased by 385,000. The average couple in an LDR lives 125 miles apart, visits each other 1.5 times a month, calls one another every 2.7 days to talk for 30 minutes, and expects to be separated for 14 months.Source: (The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships)
There are good and bad aspects of LDRs and they do effects one’s daily life. Long distance relationships are not new and definitely not easier than traditional/personal relationship. Most of people find LDRs and PRs about some what same amount of effort, love, care, and trust while other feels it is much more commitment for couples. From my personal experience I will say that LDRs are a major stress builder in one’s life and a lot of times it is hard to concentrate on studies, work, and able to live normal life.

Of course, Long Distance Relationships is not a new edition in to people’s life. We all have been separated in our relationship for some period of time. Long Distance Relationships could develop between families because of deployment in military, career wise/jobs, going to meetings, away for school, or just a vacationing abroad. According to the director of The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationship Dr. Gregory Guldner says; LDRs can create unique difficulties that can result into frustrating struggle for many couples. While research shows that LDRs do not break up or divorce any more frequently than more traditional relationships they can still take a toll on those involved (The Center for Study of LDRs). Long Distance Relationship could be rough and overwhelming but at the same time it can benefit couples growth, maturity, gaining trust and strong bonding.

Long Distance Relationships not only helps one’s to be alone and grow as a person but also provides opportunity in career and educational advancement in their desire field. The study shows that hundreds of student who are in LDRs but geographically close relationship face a lot of stress and botheration by common college hassle. Includes the list of questions related to difficulties in meeting the academic standards. These students found courses more demanding, less interesting and having very little time for assignments. While people in LDRs had more time to use for studies and show more intelligence because they had used their time wisely unlike others spending time on relationship. This example shows that LDRs gives you opportunity to gain advancement in your education. (The Center for Study of LDRs)

Potential Analysis Paper Sources

As we are getting close to the end of fall semester I am really getting nervous about my writing and analysis paper. I felt it was very easy class until I find out that there are not enough blogs on relationships. I have started blogging about relationship that I have share with my fiancé and some of the problems that came along in our lives through this relationship. When I started searching for other bloggers I wasn’t able to get enough information on relationship blogs. My stress level is getting high and I am really worried that what my paper is going to be like without relationship information.
My blog’s focus is really on husband and wife, girlfriend and boyfriend type relationship. It seems like there is so much information out there in articles but not really on blogs. I am searching for relationships that compromise, sacrifice, fight and still stay together for each other and the love they share together.

When I first posted information on my relationship blog I was really not sure how it is going to look like. After several other posts and comments from my instructor and classmates gave me great feed back that helped me improve my blog. But it seems like my blogs is just doing okay but not all that good. I have read some articles on relationships but I am not having good luck finding the right blog. As of right now I have two blogs in mind that I have gathered so far for my paper and I am glad to say that one of them is my classmate Ario. She is also writing on relationships but with different point of view. She is sharing her marriage life with her sweet and caring family of six children’s and of course her sweetheart (husband). I am also looking forward to share information from one of the great author Karen Salmansohn. She is the author of 29books including HOW TO BE HAPPY, DAMMIT and HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT A PENIS.

Sources for final paper:

http://memtma.blogspot.com/

http://www.notsalmon.com/blog.php/

http://www.notsalmon.com/2008/04/fighting-with-your-sweetie.html

http://www.notsalmon.com/2008/04/breaking-hearts-is-not-game.html

http://www.notsalmon.com/2007/06/deep-philosophical-love-lesson-to-be.html


I know this is not enough information but I am keep looking for more information to get start on my paper. Please go ahead and check these websites and give me ideas and suggestion as possible.

Tips for healthy relationships

To maintain a healthy relationship it is necessary that both partners work together. I cannot overemphasize the importance of communication in clearing relationship conflicts. In our relationship, whenever we come across any conflicts and differences, my fiancé usually takes charge and attempts to start the conversation. Even if I shut my door and turn off my phone to avoid any confrontation he would attempt to get me talking by sliding an apologetic note under the door or something similar.Some very important tips that I found on some reputable websites that I try to adopt are listed below.

Although these tips are found on a website and I am not even sure if somebody has attempted to apply these in their life, I am very confident relaying these to other as I have personally seen the changes resulting from these tips in my relationship.

• Love each other: Loving each other sincerely and without any strings attached is the most important aspect of a healthy relationship. According to Amy Biggs, a relationships counselor and the author of “What Makes Relationship Healthy?” it is very simple and most effective way to keep the relationship healthy. If there is no love, relationship is just a lust from the beginning (Briggs).


• Don’t lie to you partner: In relationship trust is another very important aspect between two people which can break and make the relationship. Amy Briggs says that one should be able to trust other in relationship and never hide things by lying (Briggs).


• Keep good communication: Another relationships counselor, Joyce Woodford, tips good communication as essential in healthy relationships. It means take time to listen to your partner, don’t interrupt while he/she is talking (Woodford). I personally think couples through communication can gain a lot of support, love and care. Especially in long distance relationship communication is the only way to express each other’s feelings and emotions. Both individuals should be open widely towards each other.


• After facing a fight with each other just forgive and forget: This is what I have learned through my experiences that you just need to forgive and forget once the fight is over. As humans, we can never avoid misunderstandings, because it is just the effect of our imperfections in life. But with that imperfection comes perfection because it is with that misunderstanding that the couple will know each other more (Working Mom).


• When you have fight don’t stay mad at each other for rest of the day: Always try to forgive each other and come up with solution and suggestions to improve relationship. The longer you stay in a fight, the more time you need for reconciliation. Let us just remember that the more you let someone dying waiting, the less chance of survival and same is true with love.


• Give and take process. According to Joyce Woodford, one should be able to give and take and not be individually in charge of other (Woodford).
  Swallow your pride: Relationship will never work unless one of them is humble and patience enough to bring him/herself down to end the argument and make it work even though he/ she is not wrong (Briggs).


• Acceptance: Last but not the least it is very important that one should accept each other the way they are. Don’t try to change other person unless they are willing to change by themselves (David). As I have said above, please keep in mind that no one is perfect and everyone is capable of making a mistake. Accept the little flaws that come with each person. You accept theirs; they accept yours.From my personal experience and through my research I have concluded that it is the little things that make a difference. If we keep an honest relationship, with good communication driven by acceptance of each other there is no stopping from turning an instant love-driven relationship to a healthy long lasting relationship.

Reference:

Frank, David. "How to Have Healthy Relationships." Weblog Entry. Improving Your Life. 13 August2007.24November2008

<http://www.improvingyourworld.com/relationships/how_to_have_healthier_happier_relationships_001441.html%3E.

Working Mom. “15 Ways to Keep a Healthy Relationship” Weblog Entry. Socyberty.14 October 2008. 24 November 2008

<http://www.socyberty.com/Relationships/15-Ways-to-Keep-a-Healthy-Relationship.296359>.

Woodford, Joyce. “Healthy Relationships.” K-State. 10 May 2000. K-State Counseling Services. 24 November 2008.

<http://www.k-state.edu/counseling/topics/relationships/relatn.html>

Briggs, Amy. “What Makes a Relationship Healthy?” K-State. 18 Janurary 2001. K-State Counseling Services. 25 November 2008.

<http://www.oznet.ksu.edu/news/sty/2001/dating4.htm>

Few suggestions to keep a healthy relationship

A relationship is a state of being related; whether it be by birth, marriage affinity, or other alliance. According an independently owned Love Advice website you can have healthy relationship with anyone in your life including your family, friends, children and life partner. The only difference between my first sentence and the second sentence, which I paraphrased from the web, is the word ‘healthy’. In order to keep the relationship healthy one should know first what is a healthy relationship? A healthy relationship satisfies both partners. It gives them happiness, care, love, support and security. A healthy relationship tells each other that they have someone who will be there in the time of need, pain and share the happiness of their life.

Relationship takes time and a lot of energy and care in order to make it healthy. Every relationship is unique and different and it can bring a lot of happiness and health to one’s life. The K-State Counseling Services did some further research and their study proves that people with healthy relationship have more happiness and less stress.
According to Kansas State University Research and Extension family systems specialist Charlotte Shoup Olsen, a couple can look at three clues to find out whether their relationship is healthy or unhealthy.
* Does each partner simply like the other?
* Does each partner have a mutual honor and respect for the other?
* Does each partner want to be connected with the other?

When I first meet my fiancé I instantly felt the love, care and support that a girl would expect from a husband, boyfriend or a friend. In my relationship I feel very secure; we are happy and care about each other. I feel very comfortable talking to him about anything and discuss our point of view on certain things. I specifically like Charlotte Shoup Olson’s quote, “it’s important to remember that no partner is ideal”. Our relationship may not be ideal but we understand that we are two separate individuals and we are going to be different. Just like any other ‘normal’ couple, we share conflicts and find differences between us time to time in our relation. But the key to a successful relationship, as I discovered on the Socyberty website’ article 15 Ways to Keep a Healthy Relationship, is providing love, honesty, good communication, forgiveness, compromise and acceptance. I try to adhere to that rule to make my life happy and my relationship healthy.

“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.”(Anthony Robbins)




To be continued...

Time to quit for better………..

I do not remember a day when my fiancé and I went by without arguing to convince each other that I am right and you are wrong. We argue on different things like education, work, family, food, friends, and small thing like when to go to bed at night and why? Sometimes arguments make sense if they are logical but sometimes it is just a matter of understanding between two people who share different views on certain topics. I agree that arguments can usually waste time and most of the time it brings unnecessary tension between two people, which can lead to a bigger problem later on. I think in our relationship we both think sensibly person and understand when it is time to quit before we can get into a serious problem. That, I believe, is one of the most important aspects of our relationship. Sometimes I just do it for fun to tease him and then kiss his angry face and try to make him smile.

In every relationship one should be smart to stick around its limits and understanding when to stop the argument and not make the environment uncomfortable. Argument should be dropped when you know things are getting to the point where it is important to let it go for better without creating any tension. Every relationship has some tough times and problems with in-laws, finance and even your partner. According to Philip Van Munching, a marriage counselor, it depends on people involved in relationship on how to solve their issues and make it work to gain healthy relationship. For many couples who cannot solve their issues, he suggests help from relationship professionals and counselors. Of course, a counselor cannot guarantee a healthy relationship unless you do something yourself but at least they can guide you in the right direction. On the other hand, some people are capable of solving their issues without getting any counseling or help from other people.

The problem usually takes place over small things and turn into an argument which often leads to a fight. The best way is to not argue when you are really angry because chances are you will not be getting any attention. And that can build up tension in relationship and harder to solve the issue later on. Dr. Munchung says, “talk in lower voice and stay calm… don’t criticize and be straight forward”. I totally agree with him that you should explain your reason politely and help each other to solve the problem without getting into a fight.

A full interview of Dr. Philip Van Munching could be accessed at the link below that deals with relationship problems and helps us in understanding how to deal with these issues. He answered some of the question couple usually ask themselves over and over while going through hard time in relationship.

Watch the videos and try to work on your relationship issues. And don't forget to comment!!
http://www.videojug.com/interview/arguing-in-a-relationship
http://www.videojug.com/interview/big-relationship-questions